Do people still read this?
Anyways, so the other night I had a dream about my first love. In this dream, she tells me how much she missed me and whatnot. It leads to us getting back together, but as I awake, I was confused as ever. I thought there was some hidden meaning behind my dream, but I should have listened to Michael. During the day, I've tried contacting different girls from her school with the same graduating year, in hopes of contacting her to patch things up, for a reconciliation. Well, one contact would lead to another and I still had no reply on it. Finally she comes online with an old screen name and for that moment I was happy... A chance to start fresh with a past regret. However, instead of a forgiving chat that I was expecting, I was turn down with "no" and "I don't know you" (she really does, just doesn't want to know me again). I should have not been so naive; I admit I fucked up big time and I should have known that she would have not forgiven me, even after all this time.
I fucked up, over and over again.
Now that I look back on the years, I realize that the few months that I got to talk to her was probably the best best out of my many failed relationships. I never felt such a strong connection until her and that's probably the reason why I'm still soo bothered about my mess up with her. So, lets recap on everything that I could remember... I met her through a video game I used to play, Gunbound. It was a coincidence that everyone in that room was from California; we all revealed locations and she turned out to be within a 20 minute drive from where I lived. I ended up messaging her and that was the beginning of us. You see, I fucked up. I gave her a false sense of impression, but my feelings for her were real. Everything was a joke to me back then... Anyways... because of this we stopped talking. I admit now that I am to blame for my pain all this time. I fucked up big time with her... Now when I want to own up to how fucked up I was, I can't because she won't give me the chance. I'm sorry. I truly am.
She's the main reason why I am the way I am. She awoken me from my fucked up self and made me hollow inside. Then I met my honey bunches of oats, and for awhile I was really happy. Just that dream randomly came to me and now I can't think of anyone else...